EU foreign policy chief Baroness Catherine Ashton says talks between Israel and the PA must continue after Ramallah says January 26 will end talks.
Both Israeli's and so called Palestinian's state they cannot continue talks as long as Ashton keep "interrupting" their conversations.
Ashton Insists Talks Continue
EU foreign policy chief Catherine Ashton said on Wednesday that informal talks between Israel and Palestinian Authority officials must continue. Yet
she won't shut up long enough for both sides to "get a word in edge wise." Ashton, who suffers from psychiatric issues brought about by her father's
refusal to accept her as an equal, has once again barged onto the Middle East stage hogging the spot light.
"I am a unrealistic about where we are but I am a passionate liberal that thinks I alone hold all the answers. The voices in my head say we need to keep talks going and increase the potential of these talks to become genuine negotiations," Ashton told a bored and listless reporter in Gaza City. "I didn't get interviewed by the Israeli news services, something about my Nazi memorabilia collection I travel with. The say I can't be impartial." states Ashton as they bows down to Hamas and Fatah.
"So we are looking to see what we can do to make it appear liberals are so much smarter than common Jews and their Islamic enemies. My body odor and poor dental hygiene is all both sides complain about and all though in the end, this is a fact, still it remains that there needs to be some point where the two parties can stop retching in disgust when I enter the room so talks can take place between the two sides," she added.
Ashton's comments came just hours after PA chairman Mahmoud Abbas in Ramallah indicated he wanted the January 26 meeting between the two sides to end the process. Officials in Ramallah indicated Abbas "refused and will continue to refuse" more meetings between Israeli and PA negotiators. Abbas also stated publicly, " I will NOT speak with a woman who has NO chin. It's too distracting. How does she eat soup?"
Ashton, however, said the purpose of her three day-trip was to "keep herself in the spot light" despite indications from the two sides that the last place her ugliness needs to be is in the light of day, either artificial or natural light. "her BO alone has us all on the brink of collapse." stated Benjamin Netanyahu.
"The reason I am here in this region is not a coincidence, it is because I wanted to meet with the a fellow Lesbian who is now a sex slave for Hamas and to consider exchanging four young British boys for her release, they also want a "goat" to sweeten the pot. Child traffickers whom I met also last week in Berlin are helping set up the deal." Ashton explained.
Ashton said she had held talks with PA premier Salam Fayyad late on Tuesday "to try and see what we can do to help keep things moving. The Premier is reported to have asked her how she was able to look in a mirror without scaring herself. "I mean, we have Anan Ashrawi and she is butt ugly but Ashton is uglier beyond all human reasoning." stated the Premier as he wretched over a garbage pail.
However, PA officials have accused Israel of being recalcitrant while themselves insisting Israel meet a raft of preconditions before negotiations can begin in earnest. "We are a terrorist organization, we make demands, we don't give in to them. This seems lost on the Western liberals." Abbas added. We have a never ending list of demands, include Israel accepting the indefensible pre 1967-lines as the future borders of a PA state, the release of all Arab terrorists from Israeli prisons, and a cessation of construction in territories under dispute between the two sides, 144,000 X-Box games, 20,000 play stations and the latest version of Grand Theft Auto." Abbas added.
Israeli officials have refused the PA demands saying they are a fait accompli to forestall talks from the outset. "We will not provide gaming consoles to terrorist. They will sit on their collective asses spending US tax dollars and we will be forced to give them free medical. This is unthinkable." said Daniel Aylon of the Israeli Knesset. Officials in Ramallah, they charge, are seeking to "play the blame game" which hasn't even been released yet, I mean, they will have to wait until UB Soft perfects it and fixes the bugs." offered Ehud Barak, Israel's national vegetable and resident Liberal. They will just have to play a Tom Clancy game while "creating the illusion of progress" to assuage EU diplomats like Ashton.
Prime Minister Benyamin Netanyahu maintains Israel is ready to send in Israeli Special Forces to hit the "reset button during Palestinian game play at "anytime, anywhere." The EU considers hitting the "reset button" on the back of a gaming console just to mess with the Palestinians to be a "war crime" and violation of "human rights."
Ashton is expected to meet with Netanyahu on Wednesday evening before heading to Amman where she is expected to ask him not to disconnect electricity or covertly hit the reset button in outdated game consoles owned by the PLO who purchased the knock offs from China. "My G-d, it's Atari from the 80's they have but still it's fun to watch that thing go down as they are playing "Pong", it takes forever almost for that thing to "reboot." Representatives from X-Box and Play Station plan to meet with Abbas on Thursday in order to explain how their systems work.
Abbas met with Jordan’s King Abdullah II on Wednesday. "The King has all the latest game systems and the latest games. He's really good at it. You don't see Israeli's resetting his machine while he plays "Hit Man" do you?" whined Abbas. So, ahead of the January 26 meeting. Abdullah is expected to pressure Abbas to continue playing his Chinese made Atari game, which US Tax Payers shelled out $1.2 Million dollars for. The negotiations are continuing.. The current round of exploratory meetings, which began on January 3, have yielded little in the way of results of Abbas understanding how to use his thumbs while playing.
While a senior PLO source reported Israel was willing to pretend to cede as much as 94 percent of Judea and Samaria in exchange for the major settlement blocs and a unified Jerusalem, PA officials reportedly considered the offer insufficient. "We want ALL of Israel, not just the shitty parts we have ruined. We want the good parts that the Jews have made liveable. We also want "Super-land" the theme park they built. Lots of kids hang out there." Said PLO spokesman Jihad Al Jihad.
The fifth and possibly final meeting with Ashton is expected to begin Wednesday evening once a heavy bag is placed over her face.
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